Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from Him. Psalm 127:3

Courtesy warning: Sometimes I share too much. For some reason my brain doesn't sensor what might be inappropriate when it comes to poop... And there will be poop!

"Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from Him" Psalm 127:3 (NLT)

Psalm 127:3 is a beautiful verse. It is a verse I think about as I see my precious children sleeping or as I get snuggle time with them. The moments my heart is so overflowing with love and joy I could weep.

And then there are days like yesterday. Days where I'm not sure I can handle God's rewards. Days where you do NOT pray for patience or blessings because you fear the vehicle they will be delivered in...

Sunday I had a migraine~ when I say I have a migraine it's not some little wussy headache, it's "I want to puke and die in a cool, quiet, dark cave" The kind where you know your life must be over. There are fireworks and dancing spots... I slept terrible and woke up several times during the night. Before leaving for work, Hubs brought Chica Baby in our bed, which means even less sleep for me.

Monday morning finally came. I did what I could for the headache; I pounded the water, Tylenol, caffeine, and ate a can of mushrooms. (Potassium people! We were out of bananas.)  We had some where that we needed to go, so I needed to kick this thing. God took the headache away for the morning, so we did our running around.

Nap time finally came and with it, my headache. Again I did what I could, then laid down for a nap... Hubs got home from work and woke me up... It was 5:30!! Typically Optimistic Jessie would say "Wonderful! The kiddos let me sleep! Now we can stay up late and have a pj party"... However this was a pessimistic kind of day. I grumbled about my headache and the spinning sensations. I grumbled about the fact that supper still needed to be made. I grumbled about how the kiddos were going to be up all night and I was ready for bed time.
Hubs was hungry and had a migraine. Bug was "staw-veen!!" (starving) and needed a cookie. PB and J sandwiches for the kiddos and chicken for Hubs and I.

Here is where things go down hill fast.

I let Wrigley The Dog out and with him, Mayhem The Cat. Mayhem is a super stealth, indoor, all black, ninja cat. I am in a short skirt, (short as in it shows my knees~ no booty hanging out for this mama!) a sleeveless shirt, and no shoes. It was cold out, my head was pounding, but I chased that darn cat until I thought I would pass out. Shivering, I headed back inside. Shot up a prayer for safety and a quick return.

8pm finally rolls around. Hubs is asleep on the couch and Chica is close to it. Bug and Wee-Wum are still wired and ready for an all-nighter... Hubs puts Chica to bed, lets me know that Wee smells funny, and heads to bed himself.

There is something you should know about my baby. He will go for a few days without pooping. (We are working on a formula mix to help him gain weight and still poop.) You would be amazed at what this kid can hold in him. He had a "big poop" earlier, so I wasn't too worried. I noticed he was still grunting, so I wasn't going to change him mid-poop. Instead I decided to find Mayhem. I call out the door and make kiss noises. Send out the dog to find the cat... Nothing. Since we have a slider in the office, I sit at the computer to wait for Mayhem to come back. Bug happily watched Veggie Tales and danced off some energy. Remember how Wee was starting to stink? Weeelllllll... I didn't...

Wee started to fuss, reminding me that he was sitting in stink. I lift him out of his highchair... Greenish, liquid poo that smelled like rotten eggs and burned my nostrils started dripping from the side of his diaper (to all you wondering, he was wearing a disposable)... In a panic, I set him back down, right into the nasty goo all over the highchair. Wee started to scream his protest, Bug yelled at Wee for making so much noise, then at me because his buddy was mad... My pounding head tried to figure out what to do. Towels! I ran to the bathroom, grabbed some towels and then wrapped Wee up in the towels until I was sure he wouldn't leak all over my floors.
I lay him on the changing table and take off the useless diaper. I go to grab the wipes...
We were out of wipes.

(Note: there are some not so good mothering techniques on here... Before you go hating, just keep in mind I NEVER do this!!)

I re-wrapped Wee so that he couldn't move and opened the top drawer of the changing table~ just in case.
We keep all of the extra wipes in the closet, so I quickly opened it to grab some more...
They were gone.
AAHHHGGG!!!!! I have an unopened box of wipes from Costco. Thank you Lord!! I ripped those open and finally got some wipes. I got back to a very angry Wee-Wum. At this point liquid poo is all over the towel, all over the changing mat, up his back, and on his feet (??). Clearly this is not the job for wipes. I quickly debate just sticking the kid in the toilet, but decided it would be a bad idea. (Bug was following me around and I'm sure he would try to do the same thing if he saw me do it...)
God, in His graceful timing, calmed Wee down, distracted Bug, and helped me focus enough to clean up the baby. Once all wiped down, I put Wee in his swing and went to check the damage done on the highchair.

We have a space saver highchair, so it is strapped to a regular kitchen chair. The liquid gross was dripping to the under part of the highchair, but hadn't reached the wooden kitchen chair yet. I had to use a towel to sop up a lot of the eww.
How on earth does one get a poop pond all cleaned up?!
I disassembled the chair, took off all of the soaking wet straps and stared at it for a few minutes. I decided to take the top rack out of my dishwasher and stick the chair in the dishwasher. Perfect! As I started to put my plan into action, I had an itch on my cheek. This is normally not a big deal because by the end of the day my ponytail is loose and hair will tickle me. I quick rub the hair off of my face...
Instead of brushing away, it smeared...

Slowly, my heart fell. My supper started to come up.
In slow-motion the reality of my situation started to hit me.
I gently touched my cheek, praying for blood... Or boogers... Or anything else...
I looked at my hand and almost passed out.

I had poop on my face...

POOP ON MY FACE!!!!!!


Who cares about cleaning a chair??!! Suddenly I was trying to think of what to do.

Can I pour straight bleach on my cheek?

Should I use the hard dish-scrubber brush?

Would a Dr be willing to do a skin graft and just remove the whole cheek?!

My head was throbbing. My cat was gone. My baby was crying. My hubby was sleeping. My 3yr old was overly loud.

And there was poop on my face.

My face started to burn and tingle, as if my cheek was suddenly falling off my face from some strong skin melting acid that had been poured on me.

I cried as I grabbed the wipes and ran to the bathroom. After some very intense scrubbing and dry-heaving, I dried off my face and went back to the kitchen. I finally got the chair loaded in the dishwasher and then collected all of the poop towels and threw them in the washer.

Exhausted, I let Bug know it was just about bed time. The two of us sat down at the computer for a few minutes, while I vented on Facebook. (Yes, I am one of those people.) Then I heard a meow! Mayhem!!! Bug shrieked his joy right into my ear and flew off my lap to look out the window. (Now, keep in mind, my head is still throbbing and the intensity is growing... Also remember what I was wearing.) I opened the door to let the beloved, naughty fur ball in. He takes off around the side of the house. I follow in close pursuit, with the dog catching up quickly. We run to the side of the house, toward the road, then Mayhem goes into some bushes. Wrigley was barking, I was yelling... You know, because cats will come if you scream loud enough...

Did I mention Mayhem is all black? Well, it was dark by this time, so the only way I was able to see him was when he moved. Otherwise I had to trust that Wrigley was able to see him. After a few more sprints through the yard and around the house, I grabbed my cat. I shot up a prayer~ I was thankful to have Mayhem back and I was thankful that it was dark out, so that neighbors and people driving by didn't have to witness me running!

At last, the day was done. Praise the LORD! The cat was back, the pooped was cleaned up, Bug obeyed and went to bed like a champ, and Wee was falling asleep. I could finally go to bed and try to sleep off my headache!

As I fell asleep feeling sorry for myself, God reminded me of Psalm 127:3. I don't think He gave it to me as a "count your blessing" type thing, but more of a "stop feeling sorry and see the humor in this". I told God exactly how I felt right then and there... I'm thankful He is big enough to handle the words of an overly exhausted, overly dramatic, emotional mama!

By the way~ I slept great! =)